The Family's 7-month old Big Boy

IT was seven months ago that Nek Yong last wrote about little Qar, the first male member, the first grandson and the first nephew in the clan. And how we adore our little Qar. Qar turned seven months old 15 minutes before midnight yesterday.

Ever since that last post Nek Yong has been wanting post again about all the little things that Nek Yong does with Qar. But time flies so fast and Nek Yong could not even find time to sit long enough to jot the wonderful moments spent with him. Instead Nek Yong has been spending all her time with him, recording everything in her mind instead of her posts and how wonderful those moments are.

But there are still good news to share. Although Nek Yong has not written her post for seven months she has recorded most of Qar’s activities since Day 1 on camera. Nek Yong has tons of photos of Qar, many of which even his parents have not seen.

Just the other day, Qar’s mum had a peep at Nek Yong’s computer and discovered so many loveable photos of Qar stored in many different folders. She wanted a copy of them but Nek Yong gave her a warning: DO NOT take my favourite shots of Qar away! It’s not because Nek Yong is selfish and wants to keep all the photos to herself but we know the saying; the photographer has first rights.

Qar busy trying to grab some soap bubbles yesterday morning.

At one point the photographing frenzy between Nek Yong and her two daughters got so competitive that it made the three of us laughed so hard at each other. We are always racing to steal shots of Qar and we failed every time because if one was about to shoot, the other two would rush in. In the end we dubbed ourselves the paparazzi photographers. The only joke is there is only one subject matter – Qar.

Would you believe it if Nek Yong says that between the three of us women we have squabbles until today as to who have privilege to a certain shot? At times as we race to steal a shot we would even push the others out of the way, resulting in a few sulking sessions. But we didn’t care who gets upset. What matters is who gets the shot first. Competitive aren’t we?

All three of us women do photography. And all three of us would grab any camera within sight just to catch Qar’s antics. You know what it is like with babies, they are so unpredictable so if you want to catch those precious moments, just don’t bother packing your camera after use. Just leave it around the house, within grabbing distance. That way you will be able to get higher quality shots compared to those taken on handphones. This also explains why among Nek Yong’s tons of photos of Qar are piles of blurry ones as well. But, Nek Yong is keeping them. You know why? Because every picture tells a story, even a blur piece.

Happy seven months old Qar. See you when you wake up later today.



With loving care – Nek Yong

Qar's Stay at Great Grandma's

QAR left Nek Yong’s home in the early evening today to stay with his Great Grandmother whose house is about an hour’s drive out of Kuala Lumpur. Nek Yong has to be at work but that doesn’t mean Qar didn’t have his usual morning bath with Nek Yong. The only difference with today’s bath is that his mother bathed him instead. Nek Yong sat quietly by my daughter’s side and taught her how to bathe Qar.

Sleeping ...

My grandson will be away right until Eid, which is just a few days away. And Nek Yong will join him on Sunday afternoon as Great Grandmother wants new curtains for the hall. It’s a last minute shopping again for Nek Yong but having done this for the past years for my mom, it doesn’t upset Nek Yong anymore.

Sleeping some more..

At this very moment Nek Yong is still in the office, alone, waiting for the breaking of fast hour. It is much easier to just break fast in the office and then go home because the after-office traffic is really bad in the area where Nek Yong works. By the time Nek Yong finish her mug of hot coffee and a small bowl of fried rice, the traffic would have subsided.

PEACE sign from Qar?

Nek Yong has to go now Qar. Will write more in the next few days as I know there will be lots of things to write about with Eid festivities taking place.

Thinking of you, Qar and missing my cute grandson already.

With loving care – Nek Yong

Sunday Shopping With Qar

NEK YONG’s mornings for now are specifically for Qar. I bathe and sun him before I leave for work and at the same time look after Qar’s mum, my eldest daughter.

Perhaps this week things will more or less go back to normal. Qar is getting easier to handle as he is growing up very fast and doesn’t look as fragile as the newborn that he was. Of course it’s been just past a week but in Nek Yong’s eyes, Qar is a ‘big boy’ already. He peed on Nek Yong twice while I towel-dried him after his morning bath. A few days ago, he pooped on his dad when he was cleaning him. Dad gave a loud scream when he was caught by surprise. Nek Yong thinks he has a lot more to learn about child-minding ;)

Dashing?

My daughter is regaining her health as well except for a few bumps and bruises. She is stronger after the delivery and is able to move about independently, thanks to the medication her gran made for her.

As promised to Qar on Saturday evening, the family took Qar to the nearby mall to shop for his Hari Raya clothes on Sunday morning. Not that Qar showed any emotions but the entire family thought he was extremely happy. You know how it is with grandmas and aunts. Their doting of their precious ones goes beyond logic.

There you go, fast asleep.

Nek Yong dressed Qar in his Sunday best – a smart-looking Onesies that an aunt gave to him as a birthday gift (Onesies is a shirt that snaps under the diaper to stay on). But before we could take one step out the door, Qar was asleep. So much for shopping.

With loving care - Nek Yong

My Cute Sleepy Head

BABY Qar is fast asleep, along with the rest of the household except for Nek Yong. At the time of writing this, the time is 2:58 on Sunday morning.

Like every doting grandmother, Nek Yong does a quick check on Qar every hour or so, just in case his little cotton blanket got tangled in his face. Qar wriggles and stretches a lot and when he does his entire small frame gets all twisted and contorted and red. He makes the cutest sound ever when he does his little stretch. It is so adorable that it melts Nek Yong’s heart every time.

Twist and turn and wriggle and stretch but never awake - that's Qar for you.

Qar’s mum and dad are in the bedroom with him but they are fast asleep, trying to recover as much as possible from the maddening event of August 13. So Nek Yong plays Nanny to make sure both parents and child are in good care.

Yesterday, Qar got his very own passport and Nek Yong accompanied him and his parents to the nearby Immigration Office. Nicely wrapped in a bundle, Qar slept through everything, even when Nek Yong placed him in front of the photographer’s camera to get a passport sized photo of him.

At 5pm yesterday, when Nek Yong gave him his bath, his umbilical cord stump finally fell off. It was a big relief for Nek Yong as it was quite unnerving seeing it dangled around Qar’s navel every day. It was especially tough ‘handling’ it during bath time and sterilising it.

Sometimes when Qar ‘yelped’, Nek Yong got worried just in case he was in pain. Of course he wasn’t in pain because the umbilical cord doesn’t have pain-sensitive nerve fibres, according to medical advice. Many of us however think it does.

Perhaps when Nek Yong has the time, I will write a little about this in my post, just to reassure my daughter as she has not been able to Google much of late.

Just slightly a week old, Qar, fast asleep.

Qar has just passed a week old and is already looking like a big boy. He is beginning to smile a lot too. Nek Yong can’t get enough of looking at Qar and cuddling and giving him small kisses on those rosy cheeks of his. My two daughters have a good laugh whenever they see me doing these. They make fun of me, purposely thinking aloud as to where my tough, disciplinarian qualities have gone to since Qar arrived.

Well, laugh all you like, daughters. Tomorrow, I’m taking Qar shopping for his Hari Raya (Eid)’s clothes. So there …

                                                                                               With loving care – Nek Yong

Qar's 2nd Day With Nek Yong

SLEEP eluded me the night after Qar's birth (Aug 13, 2011).

It was way past 3am on Sunday that I got to bed, sorting out things at home so I could be by my daughter’s and my grandson’s side again the next day.

That same Sunday, Nek Yong woke up at half past eight to the sound of an SMS bleeping on my hand phone. It was my daughter who just gave birth asking me to bring along a few more of Qar’s nappies, mittens and booties when next we visit.

By 11am my younger daughter and I were already heading for the hospital in her tiny twin-cam Kelisa, which runs like a blizzard. Before you knew it, we were at the hospital. Talk about safe driving in a matchbox.

The rules are very strict at the hospital – no visitors before visiting hours. Even grandmothers do not have privileges. But we were prepared to sit on the hot slabs outdoor again because the waiting area feels like a freezer with the air-conditioning turned down so low.

Nek Yong decided to take a chance. I walked up to the security guard at the entrance to my daughter’s ward and asked if I could go up to see my grandson. If looks could butcher one alive, the guard’s would. But somehow I managed to get in although it was only 15 minutes to Visitors’ Hours. Who cares? It’s nice to know as a ‘gran’ I do have privileges, given or forced.

I managed to snap some photos of Qar using my hand phone since the nurses watch over anyone who lugs in a camera outfit any bigger.

Qar giving Nek Yong the one-eye pirate look.

These are precious photos – Qar’s second day in this world. Nek Yong promise he will grow up a happy child.

With loving care – Nek Yong

My First Grandson, Grandchild - Qar

NEK YONG officially became a granny at exactly 11.40pm last night. My first grandson was born after I had spent two hours sitting on the stone slabs by the entrance of the delivery ward of Putrajaya Hospital.

Clad in faded blue jeans, a simple white T and a black leather jacket, Nek Yong felt jubilant as I cradled my grandson in my arms. He still had traces of blood around his shoulders, wrapped in the hospital’s blue blanket, wide eyed and perhaps wondering who the grinning woman cradling him was. I didn’t care if my first grandson thinks I’m an alien lost on Planet Earth. I was just happy he finally arrived...after 14 hours and 10 minutes to be exact.

Qar (pronounced ‘Khorr’) is adorable. His eyes were wide opened despite only being born less than an hour before resting in my arms. Nek Yong heard his wail right across the labour room to the waiting area right out to the main entrance. That’s my grandson Qar - my first grandchild.

Qar...Nek Yong has to go to bed now. While your mother wrapped you in her arms, Nek Yong was travelling back to our home in Kuala Lumpur. In the next few days you will come home with us and sleep in the baby crib that Nek Yong has prepared for you.

There will be more stories of our adventures in the next few days and weeks and months and years but for now Nek Yong has to sleep so I can see you at the hospital again this afternoon.

As I walked to the car-park at the hospital I was already thinking about taking Qar shopping. Nek Yong will get some new clothes and Qar will get some books.

Life – it’s very sweet at the moment.


With loving care - Nek Yong

My Second Daughter

IT has been some time since Nek Yong last wrote a post in NFM. It’s the weather. It’s making my bones go clickety clack day and night.

But this evening, my bones are giving me a break. They seem to be on best behaviour. So I’m taking a few minutes to rush off a post to NFM.

Nek Yong has written several posts in the past and they are mostly about the brat of the house – the elder daughter. Tonight’s post is on the younger daughter, who came home from work today extraordinarily early.

Usually, she doesn’t finish work till after 9pm or the early hours of the morning because of the nature of her job. The minute she steps into the office by 10am she would be in-front of her computer till it is time to close for the day, whatever time that may be.

When the doorbell rang Nek Yong ran out to see who it was. Expecting a guest, I was surprised to find her instead. As is expected of a mother, I started fussing over her, shooting panicky questions: “Are you ok?”, “What’s wrong?”, “You ill again?”

She had that wicked grin. It was pretty obvious she was enjoying watching me panic, as always.

Nek Yong worries about this daughter a lot. Not because she is not capable of looking after herself. She is, on the contrary, a very independent woman. The issue with her is that she often gets sudden bouts of dizziness. And when she does, it can get real bad. Like the whole house will just spin and she starts vomiting and going pale as death.

We’ve been to the doctors for thorough check-ups and every time we come home with a negative – she’s not ill, which is positive news, really.

Nek Yong’s biggest scare happened when this daughter was about 12 years old. Remember that time when Malaysia was experiencing the haze? That was such a traumatic period for both of us.

Clipart: Mom & Child - ARTFAVOR

http://www.openclipart.org/user-detail/ArtFavor

The baby of the house who is always behaving more like the big sis was badly affected by the haze. Even when she wore the mask to school and whenever she was outdoors, the haze hit her hard.

At odd hours of the day she would choke so badly that it appeared someone was strangling the life out of her. There were times when I had to take emergency leaves or rushed home from the office, speeding like a mad bullet on the highway to get to her for fear that that one choke would be the last I saw of her.

The haze gave her excessive phlegm in her chest and despite the regular checks at the doctors and the medications given it took very long to clear. The choking was always aggravated at night, probably because of the cold.

One of the worse things about the infection she got from the haze was that there wasn’t any warning when it attacked. When the phlegm thickened in the chest she would just suddenly choke and she would turn blue all of a sudden.

Can you imagine a mum’s fear when suddenly in the middle of the night while we were both asleep you just suddenly hear a gasping voice trying to call out to you for help? And when I got up I’d see her struggling from bed, grabbing anything and everything she could hold on to as she fought hard to reach me, who happened to be just nearby.

Nek Yong was then a struggling single mother fighting hard to raise her two girls well. And I feel most blessed that I now see them as career ladies with a mind of their own.

My girls, they are my life. The very thought of me going through this life without them kills me instantaneously. If God were to make anyone ill, let it be me, not them. That’s Nek Yong’s constant prayer.

And yes, we got through those obstacles, those difficult most trying moments. And looking at her now as she sat at the dinner table making fun of my obsession with a sparkling clean house, it brought me tears inside knowing God has been kind to me and has allowed my girl to still be around when I’m almost turning into a grandma.

To my girls who are my pillars of strength, I hope I am a great mum, if not the best ;)

 With loving care - Nek Yong

Mother Daughter Relationship

THE house is quiet except for the music on iTunes playing from Nek Yong’s computer. It’s a Saturday and the girls have gone to visit their Nenek (grandmother) living outside of Kuala Lumpur.

Despite the beautiful day, Nek Yong is feeling a wee bit sad today. Over a late breakfast I found out my younger daughter had kept her break-up with her boyfriend a secret from me for a whole month. Imagine, a whole month! And I thought we were THICK! Like serious thick! Like hardened-butter-placed-in-an-overly-cold-section-of-the-fridge THICK!

When I found out the truth, my jaw actually dropped. I stared at her unbelievingly. She in turn had the nerve to laugh and said to her sister as she pointed at me: “Look at mum’s face!”

Luckily her sister didn’t find it funny or someone would have received a few thwacks on the head by the time I recovered.

Do we have a hole in our love?

 Image: Love Food - CYBERSNOT

 http://www.sxc.hu/

The truth is, Nek Yong would still not know about the break-up if my eldest daughter had not “forced” everyone to listen to her dream.

My eldest daughter has what we called “odd moments of verbal diarrhoea”. And when she has one of these sessions, she couldn’t care less if the sky is falling. She’d continue her story as everyone keeps rolling their eyes to heaven, a hint that doesn’t seem to have any effect on my eldest girl.

This was how it started. My elder daughter said: “You know I had this weird dream. I was talking to your boyfriend and asking him why did you guys break up?” At the end of that sentence my eldest daughter turned to look at her sister who, just as suddenly said: “Memang pun (yeah, we did).” And that was the exact time my jaw dropped. And my eldest daughter’s jaw dropped as well.

We were in disbelief.

When I finally found my voice I said: “And it’s been sometime?” It was an accusation rather than an assumption.

My younger daughter acknowledged it. She said: “January,” before adding, “after New Year’s Day actually.”

All hell broke loose. My eldest daughter went on a how-can-you-not-tell-us-and-I’m-hurt mode while I went on a how-can-you-not-tell-us-'cos-we-tell-each-other-everything mode.

Did it surprise Nek Yong so badly? Yes, it did because the same thing happened when my younger daughter broke up with her first boyfriend. And, we only found out because I had this nagging suspicion and confronted her so she had to spill the beans.

You might be saying if she has done it before then it shouldn’t come as a surprise. But yes we were surprised because we had made sure when it happened the first time that she WILL NOT go through the pain alone should it happen again. And it happened again and she didn’t tell us and we are now questioning are we as thick as we thought we are really?

So okay, every one is entitle to how they want to handle their lives. Every one should have the choice to share or not to share their life but something inside of me is wondering. Does she trust me enough to share her happy as well as sad moments with? Is she only allowing me to see only her surface and nothing more? Are there more turmoil within her that I do not know or aware of or will ever get to know.

Now, as I sit alone writing this I remember what I last said to her one night as we were talking about guys and relationships. I said “if ever your guy hurt you I will break every bone in his body”. She had smiled at me. And I had said, “You’d better believe me.”

So as the three of us pondered over the why-s and what-s of the break up, I’m still assuming she had told me the truth when she said that the break up was mutual although she initiated it.

Since everyone looked so upset, she left the dining table. Her sister went over to her room to hug her. I went into the guest toilet and looked for excuses to scream bloody murder about.
Was I over-reacting? Yes, probably. But no one will know inside of me how much my girls mean to me. If they hurt, I hurt, even more badly. That is the truth of a single parent’s life.

With loving care - Nek Yong

When I'm Old And Grey

THE rain has taken a toll on Nek Yong. It makes her extremely lazy and writing is the last thing on her mind. For the past weeks, Nek Yong has been lazing around the house sipping tea in the evenings and watching the skies take different shapes and forms at every turn of a second.

When I look at the skies I am reminded of days when my girls were very young. We had a huge single storey bungalow house spread on almost ¼ acre of land, similar to what you see in this picture. The garden was huge that every time the gardener came around he would only finish his gardening as the sun set. At times, he would return the next day to finish up.

Images: House In Cloudy Day-WINBLOWS/Loving You-GiniMiniGi/Happy Cloud-ba1969

 http://www.sxc.hu/

My girls and I love watching the skies. We would sit in the garden and watched the clouds. Every time the clouds made new formations we would shout out what we thought we “saw”.

Sometimes the clouds had eyes, at other times smiling faces. The girls didn’t like it whenever the clouds formed and appeared as monsters or huge unfamiliar beasts. So I often told them about the grizzly beasts I “saw”. There’s nothing like watching the disbelief in their eyes :)

Yes, perhaps all the formations we thought we saw were just our over-imaginative minds at work. But perhaps there are actually living forms in the skies, trapped within the clouds. Whatever it is, sitting in the garden watching the clouds turned into many unimaginable “characters” was probably the most wonderful part of watching the girls grow. Their faces, wide-eyed and grinning from ear to ear showed how the simplest things in life can make a child happy.

Today, Nek Yong’s girls are young adults with a career of their own. Their hours are filled with work, work and more work. They have friends they occasionally hang out with but they will always remain as Nek Yong’s “girls”.

Whenever we have our “compulsory” family-time, we still look at the clouds to see if the faces are still up there, way, way up amidst the skies. And yes, many times we still see the faces and Nek Yong will always cherish these moments.

Maybe one day when Nek Yong is "home" with God, my girls will spend some time watching the clouds with their children, my grandchildren. Maybe my girls will tell their children about the grizzly beasts Nek Yong "saw" in the skies and the naughty winks my girls give each other as they take over my role in fascinating their children with God’s wonders.

               With loving care - Nek Yong 

My Baby+Her Baby=My Grandchild

My eldest daughter turns 30 on the first week of February this year and she's pregnant after a year of trying to conceive. I felt jubilant over the news and at the same time shocked (only in many small ways).

Imagine; the first baby in the house is now carrying a baby. How time flies. And how the passing years failed to make me realise my daughter is now a woman with her own career, her own husband, her own in-laws, her own home and now her own baby.

My baby isn't a baby anymore.

When I conceived her I was 21 years old. I didn't know I was pregnant until my mother noticed I was constantly craving for mangga muda (unripe mango).

Pregnant-ANONYMOUS

http://www.openclipart.org/

I was married in February 1979. She was conceived in June 1980 and born in February 1981. Her baby will be borned between Aug 12 and 24 this year. So there are a lot of memorable dates in Nek Yong's life, for which I am blessed.

My eldest daughter was born a day from the date of my wedding and shares the same birth date as my closest "adopted" sister.

When my daughter found out she had conceived she was already about three to five weeks pregnant. My daughter had a suspicion she was pregnant on the day we celebrated my birthday (Dec 5).

My grandchild, my daughter's child, would probably be either a Leo (Jul23-Aug24) or a Virgo (Aug23-Sep22). But my logic is my grandchild was conceived in November, meaning she or he is ACTUALLY a Sagittarius (the things I'd do to add to my team!).

Take it from me, if my grandchild has huge doses of my tendencies I for one will encourage she polish and buff and shine those tendencies. What better gift can there be for your first grandchild then grandma's traits?

With loving care - Nek Yong 

Death and Love

I woke up one morning thinking; how will my children and my grandchildren know, let alone remember me, should I die before them?

Yes I just said “die” and no I do not think it is a harsh word to describe someone leaving this life for good.

There’s “birth” and there’s “death”. One person is born another dies so “die” is a good word in my vocab. It is not a bad word.

Die, death, dying – it’s all about an ending. Every ending is a start to a new beginning. So yes, die, death, dying – they are all good words to me.

My eldest daughter doesn’t think so, especially when the words are associated to me.

At 30 my eldest daughter still have pools of tears in her eyes whenever we discuss the topic of dying – mine.

At times when she’s feeling a little bit more sensitive than usual she would quickly place her palms tightly onto her ears and say in our native tongue: "Tak nak dengar! Tak nak dengar! Tak nak dengar!" (which when translated in English means: Not listening! Not listening! Not listening!).

I know. Some of you reading this are rolling your eyes while you look to heaven. And no, it is not about her being childish.

My daughters (I have two) are my friends and I am theirs. We are so tight we appear to have been bonded with UHU (to the oblivious, UHU is a brand for a glue, which works wonders on anything).

Image by Dimitri C

Death, on any one of us, is such a painful thought, let alone if it were to really happen. We “can’t” live without each other. We are each other’s pillars.

My second daughter, the baby of the house who behaves more like the big sister in the family, has a different way of reacting to “die, death and dying”.

She doesn’t have pools of tears welling in her eyes. Instead, she has a fixed stare. The stare can be on anything – the floor, the scatter cushions or the food on our dinner table where we gather for "family time". And the stare has similarities to the way she speaks: "If it’s time what can we say".

But that “coldness” isn’t really coldness. It’s her being strong and accepting and trying to make the best of things (at this point of my post, if my girls are reading it, they will be giving each other hugs if they happened to be at the same place at the same time).

Yes, Nek Yong is thinking a lot about death lately. It might come sooner or later but it is coming and is making its way here.

But, I'm not afraid, or unhappy, or happy of the thought. I'm just busy making preparations for something that might come tomorrow or even years from now.

Why?

Because Nek Yong really love her girls and she wants to always be there for them.

And that's how the idea to write this post came about. Nek Yong will write and write and write and when it’s time to go, my girls, and my grandchildren and my son-in-laws will always have lots of things to remember me by.

Just flip the pages to Nek Yong’s postings (if I do write regularly here) and we will always be there for each other, through our memories, which we keep dear in our hearts and minds.

Look through these pages where I write day and night about my love for my girls, my grandchildren and my sons-in-law.

These pages will be the strength that “replaces” me when it is time for me to go.  

“Weep not, cry not
Just shed a single, silent tear
For that is the strength
Of our clan.”

            

                     Nek Yong