Death and Love

I woke up one morning thinking; how will my children and my grandchildren know, let alone remember me, should I die before them?

Yes I just said “die” and no I do not think it is a harsh word to describe someone leaving this life for good.

There’s “birth” and there’s “death”. One person is born another dies so “die” is a good word in my vocab. It is not a bad word.

Die, death, dying – it’s all about an ending. Every ending is a start to a new beginning. So yes, die, death, dying – they are all good words to me.

My eldest daughter doesn’t think so, especially when the words are associated to me.

At 30 my eldest daughter still have pools of tears in her eyes whenever we discuss the topic of dying – mine.

At times when she’s feeling a little bit more sensitive than usual she would quickly place her palms tightly onto her ears and say in our native tongue: "Tak nak dengar! Tak nak dengar! Tak nak dengar!" (which when translated in English means: Not listening! Not listening! Not listening!).

I know. Some of you reading this are rolling your eyes while you look to heaven. And no, it is not about her being childish.

My daughters (I have two) are my friends and I am theirs. We are so tight we appear to have been bonded with UHU (to the oblivious, UHU is a brand for a glue, which works wonders on anything).

Image by Dimitri C

Death, on any one of us, is such a painful thought, let alone if it were to really happen. We “can’t” live without each other. We are each other’s pillars.

My second daughter, the baby of the house who behaves more like the big sister in the family, has a different way of reacting to “die, death and dying”.

She doesn’t have pools of tears welling in her eyes. Instead, she has a fixed stare. The stare can be on anything – the floor, the scatter cushions or the food on our dinner table where we gather for "family time". And the stare has similarities to the way she speaks: "If it’s time what can we say".

But that “coldness” isn’t really coldness. It’s her being strong and accepting and trying to make the best of things (at this point of my post, if my girls are reading it, they will be giving each other hugs if they happened to be at the same place at the same time).

Yes, Nek Yong is thinking a lot about death lately. It might come sooner or later but it is coming and is making its way here.

But, I'm not afraid, or unhappy, or happy of the thought. I'm just busy making preparations for something that might come tomorrow or even years from now.

Why?

Because Nek Yong really love her girls and she wants to always be there for them.

And that's how the idea to write this post came about. Nek Yong will write and write and write and when it’s time to go, my girls, and my grandchildren and my son-in-laws will always have lots of things to remember me by.

Just flip the pages to Nek Yong’s postings (if I do write regularly here) and we will always be there for each other, through our memories, which we keep dear in our hearts and minds.

Look through these pages where I write day and night about my love for my girls, my grandchildren and my sons-in-law.

These pages will be the strength that “replaces” me when it is time for me to go.  

“Weep not, cry not
Just shed a single, silent tear
For that is the strength
Of our clan.”

            

                     Nek Yong